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I wanted to draw....but I could not think of literally anything I could draw that could properly express what I'm thinking and feeling.
Then, I opened my mouth, and no words other than "What the f*ck?" and "Oh my god" came out.
So writing is probably a crap-shoot too. I dont want to describe all of what is going on right now because of the people that could potentially see it. Lets just say this week has been FUCT. I just found something out that I REALLY couldve lived without knowing. And it was already a bad week before I even found out.
I feel like I got kicked in the stomach repeatedly. I feel like throwing up, Im replaying the last 5-6 years of my life over, knowing people say "Be glad people were there/it was a lesson/whatever" But seriously, after what has transpired in this year, there is a person I would HONESTLY choose to NEVER meet. EVER. because Im so much more broken, less trusting, irreversibly screwed up over this sh*t. I think back on how I actually believed....Believed. What? I believed? What was I even doing??
Oh. my. god.
Then, I opened my mouth, and no words other than "What the f*ck?" and "Oh my god" came out.
So writing is probably a crap-shoot too. I dont want to describe all of what is going on right now because of the people that could potentially see it. Lets just say this week has been FUCT. I just found something out that I REALLY couldve lived without knowing. And it was already a bad week before I even found out.
I feel like I got kicked in the stomach repeatedly. I feel like throwing up, Im replaying the last 5-6 years of my life over, knowing people say "Be glad people were there/it was a lesson/whatever" But seriously, after what has transpired in this year, there is a person I would HONESTLY choose to NEVER meet. EVER. because Im so much more broken, less trusting, irreversibly screwed up over this sh*t. I think back on how I actually believed....Believed. What? I believed? What was I even doing??
Oh. my. god.
Total eclipse of the heart
I havent been on here in a while. I was in a relationship for the last almost 6 months before I made a slip up that is likely going to cost the relationship...Our 6 months was in one week.
I have come here to write and draw. I want to honor the memory of everything, and get my feelings out.
I know you might have to go..but I know if our love is as true as we thought, once I get on track, maybe we can reconnect.
Memories- not in order.
-Got to dance to the songs I wanted at our wedding at another wedding. At least I got to hold the person that deserved it, and softly sing the lyrics like a soft caress to the ear as we moved in slow motion.
wanting people that dont want you back
We've all been there. Met someone who just made your knees weak. You're in huge lust over them. You may even place them on a pedestal, think to yourself, "They're too good for me" for whatever reason.
I'm a HUGE offender of this. I ALWAYS want someone I can't have. I think about them, daydream a bit. I think in a huge way, it's a way I punish MYSELF (Who said a sadist isn't also a masochist in ways?) It hurts me when they don't want me back. It makes me feel like absolute crap. Waiting on that text? Haha. Stop checking your phone, it's never gonna happen.
But I kinda set myself up for it. I meet people that I know are emotionally unavailable,
When I think about never being together again..
I dont want to say much here but my life is pretty destroyed right now. lost my friends over something that wasnt even my fault.
My outfit was Rikku from FFX-2, but I have a Yuna quote that very much describes how I feel over losing one of my friends in particular, (not the one that hurt me, and caused me to lose the rest)
Yuna (FFX) Sphere about her friends she met along her journey, talking about Tidus:
"I guess that leaves..."
"The newest guardian."
"Star player of the Zanarkand Abes!"
"You are..."
"I am.."
"Well, um..."
"I'm glad...I'm glad that we met."
"We haven't even known each other long, but..."
[Tidus walks out
It's not over.
You know, I was pouring through the old conversations, memories tucked deep into the recesses of my mind and my computer.
Why I save these things; I'll never know for sure. Some sort of punishment, or for a laugh later?
With everyone else, I look back and smile/laugh, and am okay.
I still can't look at our stuff without crying.
It's been a long time, you know. You and I, we're always connected somehow, even when we aren't talking. When you said you'll search for me in the next life? You knew to find me in this lifetime. Because we're always going to find each other.
Whether we end up acquaintances, or nothing at all.. we have this connec
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